How To Break Cycles of Hurt

No Parent is Perfect

When I think about this question I remember a saying that Blake Bradley's father used to say... "If you don't stake a young tree don't be surprised when it grows crooked." No parent is perfect but imperfect parenting leads to baggage that carries over in life. As young kids we bend and twist. God’s way is straight.

Children Learn From Parents - Good and Bad

We twist in a certain direction due to the pressures inflicted upon us by our families and parents. We do what they do. We learn what we’re shown. Sometimes this is positive, but other times it's not and may be something we carry our whole lives. Maybe it’s a quickness to anger. Maybe it’s substance abuse. It might be chauvinism, sexism, or racism. Family systems pass these negative traits down from generation to generation. I’ve never met a person who didn’t have some form of baggage. 

Forgive
So how do we get passed it. First, recognize the problem. Instead of getting defensive about your family, call it what it is. Then, forgive your mom and dad for passing it along. Forgiving your parents is the biggest issue in straightening out the places you are bent. Sadly most people decide to take a vow to never let this happen again. These are promises we make to ourselves in response to difficulty or pain. 

Things like... "I’ll never treat my children like that. I’ll never be poor again. I’ll never let another man (or woman) talk to me that way. No one will ever hurt me like that again." The problem with this is that it assumes personal control over your life. When you make yourself a promise, you make yourself Lord over that area. James 4:15-16 says, “Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.’ But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.” I hate to say it but Inner vows are many times evil and keep Jesus from ruling an area of your life. At the same time, they prohibit normal learning and growth. Rather than protect us, promises sometimes make us a little crazy. They make us unteachable. They take us to dangerous extremes. 

Freedom
You’ll never be free from the mistakes of your parents until you forgive. Take that issue to Jesus and move on from the past and inner vows.